The past week has stirred my heart in many ways, culminating today with another miscarriage (I know most of you didn't know I was pregnant this time). Apparently when I am upset and don't know what to do, I write. So here I am again, exposing my humanness and weakness on this page.
As I started to have the all too familiar signs of a miscarriage this morning I immediately cried out to God just begging that this would not be a repeat of a couple months ago. I spoke life and victory, I prayed with Malia that God would do a miracle in my body and sustain this pregnancy. I asked a couple people I trust to pray for me. With an expectant heart I waited for God to move.
That has been the theme lately. I know God can literally move mountains, He can heal the sick, I have seen Him first hand change the reality of what the world says to be true. I have seen it, He is the ultimate miracle worker. We have victory, power and healing in Him. So when I found out last week that my best friend Serina has breast cancer for the third time I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God has this covered. He has her covered. She will beat cancer, again, through Him and His power. Or as my friend Jessica's father was wheeled away into the operating room yesterday morning for his second surgery to remove part of a brain tumor, we spoke life. We begged God on Keith's behalf to heal this amazing man and father. We speak life, hope, healing, miracles because we know there is power in our words. We know that prayer does have the ability to change reality. We know that God can heal my body and sustain this pregnancy and He can make Serina and Keith healthy in an instant.
So that brings me to today. That fateful phone call, your levels have dropped and you are losing the baby. What do you say? How do you respond when you know that God has all power and authority to make this right and He didn't? What am I going to do if God doesn't heal Serina or Keith? There are literally people around the world praying for these amazing friends to be healed. And there is no question that God can do it. So where do we go when our prayers aren't answered?
I think we go back to Him, we draw near to Him. We allow Him to begin to put the pieces of our broken hearts back together. We rejoice in Him and His goodness and we thank Him. Please hear my heart. This is not me doubting my faith, not even for a second. I will continue to pray for God to move in miraculous ways, I will continue to speak life and victory. I will continue to ask for another baby for our family. My questions are not me questioning. They are me trying to articulate that I must completely surrender to God's will, that I recognize He is in complete control (not me) and that He has a plan... and His plan is perfect. It is perfect for my life, it is perfect for Serina's life and it is perfect for Keith's life. I believe that with every ounce of my being. So, although my heart is broken again, I know that I know that I know that this is for His glory. It all is.
With that said, will you join me in praying for Serina and Keith? Pray that it would be God's plan for their lives for both of them to be completely healed and set free from cancer. Please also pray for their amazing families during this difficult time. And if you are so inclined, pray that God has the perfect baby for our family in His own time.